Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Altus - Land of Romance?

Paris... Venice... New York...

Watch out. A NEW contender has entered the competition for Most Romantic City (tm): ALTUS, OKLAHOMA! Screw the Eiffel Tower! Screw the Empire State Building! WE have a place where you can watch 3,000 cows poop SIMULTANEOUSLY!

Being the cutsie romatic couple we are, LL and I still occassionaly try to go on "dates" (without the four-leggers). While living in Altus has given us a run for our creative money, we've prevailed on many occasions.

So here it is. Your Altus Lovers' Guide - 2007.

Date Option #1: How about a movie? (or, "Johnny Depp! What happened?!")

Altus sports one of the swankiest movin'-pitcher thee-aters! On all five screens, you can look forward to enjoying some of the worst movies that Hollywood's got to offer! If it has Jean Claude Van Damme or one of the guys from the "Blue Collar Comedy Tour," you can bet we're playin' it here! Just watch out for that last theater on the left. The two-foot hole in the screen is a little distracting. (Poor Johnny Depp looked like he either had some serious acne, or had contracted a rather distrubing case of leprosy). Oh yeah... all of our screens are smaller than projected movie - so don't plan on catching any action during those subtle "Slightly-to-the-right-of-center" moments.

Yarrr... that looks painful, matey... You don't even want to know what that hole did to Geoffrey Rush...

Date Option #2: Fine dining! (or, "Sneeze guards-R-us")

You can pick from many fine establishments here. Both of them! Seriously, though... there are several cuisines from which to choose! There's Chinese buffet, Thai buffet, Mexican buffet, steak buffet, catfish buffet, pasta buffet, or just plain-old SUPER buffet! Ever wanted to scoop your dinner from a Sam's Club size tub-o-chicken? Now's your chance! And don't worry. We know what you're thinking. Of course it comes with gravy! (editor's note: LL found this out the hard way this afternoon at lunch. I can't get my picture to transfer, so until then, you'll have to enjoy my hand-drawn -copywrighted- artwork...)

Date Option #3: Get outdoors! (or, "You want me to do WHAT?")

We have more wildlife and places to put your boat than anywhere in the Southwest! Need to shoot something? We're your place! Tromp around our acres and acres of dirt. It stretches farther than the eye can see? And top it all off with a close encounter with one of Oklahoma's most beloved tiny pets: the tick! What says love better than, "Honey can you pull a bug off my blankety-blank?"

Tickus Grossicus (or, as it's referred to in France, "La Tique." Thank you Wikipedia! Why does everything sound so much nicer in French?)

I'd much rather hang out with THIS Tick (and Arthur-the-moth):

Tee hee... is anyone else dying for Kellogg to start making "Drama Flakes?"

You see? Altus is the new City of Lights. Except here, those lights are tire fires! Neato!

So, c'mon gang! Let's head over to the Boll Weevil Festival! (not a joke).

-TJ and LL


M. said...


M. said...

Wicked men! Cease your antics or I will be forced to assault you with the U.S. Postal System!

M. said...
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