Saturday, April 28, 2007

Explore Oklahoma! (Half a mile at a time!)

So Laura and I have been making an effort to get out and explore our far-from-native Oklahoma whilst we're here. Being outdoorsy-types, we thought we'd take the opportunity to hike some of the area's trails and parks. Bright idea, right? Upon reciecving a free "Outdoors Oklahoma!" (exclamation point included) brochure, the following conversation ensued:

LL: "Alrighty! Which trail do you want to hit first?"
TJ: "Oooh... what about this one? It looks squiggly!"
::Gus wiggles in excitement::
LL: "Hrm... I think that's actually an "ATVs Only" trail."
::Gus wiggles in disappointment::
TJ: "Crap. Okay, what about that one?"
LL: "Sweetie, that's a highway."
TJ: ::re-assembles cartographic pride:: "Yeah, totally, I mean... right. Um... what about that one?"
LL: "Read the notes for that one."
TJ: "Who even rides a three-wheeler anymore?"
LL: "I think you need a mullet to ride one... it's the law here."
TJ: ::silently considers growing a mullet::

Okay, so that's not exactly how the conversation went, but it's pretty damn close.

Needless to say, we found a trail and we gave it a shot. Now, for you Okie-lovers out there, feel free to defend your dusty homeland... 'cause we gotta tell 'ya... we were not impressed.

Grievances are as follows:

1) Oklahoma: why must you incessantly combine your state parks (usually written in really tiny text in brochures) with your "RECREATION AREAS!!!!!" (Usually written in flashing neon blinky-bulbs in every brochure, newspaper, and website in Oklahoma.) Nature does exist without speed boats and RV hookups.

2) No trail looked as though it had been walked for months. While it inspired the Lewis and Clark in LL and I (we got to argue about who got to be which explorer. I totally called Merriweather first...), we don't appreciate not being sure if we're actually on a trail.

3) Not one trail was more than a mile long. And they all went in a straight line. They'd go up a hill for a half mile, then stop. Trail over. We even hit a sign that essentially said, "Trail done. You go home now."

You can probably guess what I'm saying in this picture...

4) What's up with no trail markers? No signs, no spraypainted rocks, no ribbon tied to branches... The only way Laura and I knew we weren't stepping into the TOTAL wilderness was the constant trail of beer bottles and cigarette butts.

All griping aside, though, we really did have a blast. If even if it was bizarre.

And, naturally, we'll go back. :-)

The dogs had a pretty good time getting dirty, too. (Gus "cleaned" himself off in the lake)

All in all, another successful adventure!

More to come.

Merriweather and William


nicole said...

well, i think it's time to get yourself a mullett, some malt liquor, and a couple of atv's with sidecars for the dogs...if you are going to do oklahoma, you'd better do it right

M. said...

Be careful, out there in the wilds of Oklahoma. It's dangerous.

M. said...

Only a little more dangerous than Illinois, that is.

Nissa said...

Well written article.